Confronting your child's drug and alcohol use is one of the most difficult things you will do as a parent. Here are some of the most common excuses and diversions that adults and students use when having this discussion, along with ideas for how to work through each of them. If you find you are still not successful in talking to your student, please seek help and support. Refer to the numbers in the back of this guide for local resources.

"My teenager would never lie to me."

If only that were true. Teenagers tell their parents what they believe their parents can handle, or what they can share that is honest but keeps them out of trouble. Hopefully your child will not lie to you, but the possibility exists that any child could end up in a situation where he or she will be less than honest.

"Not my child! Not our family!"

Most parents accept the fact that underage alcohol and drug use is a serious problem in their community, but they prefer to believe that it's somebody else's child who has the problem, not their own. The truth is that no family is immune to this problem.

"If he didn't hang around with those kids, there wouldn't be any problems."

It is true that birds of a feather flock together. Students will find other students to spend time with who share their interests. Some families, so sure a change in friends will "fix" their student's problems, have even tried a move to a new school district to give their child a fresh start. This seldom works because the most welcoming and easiest group to become a part of, if you're alone or a new student, is the group of kids who smoke and drink. Wherever you and your child might go, there will always be students who use and drink. What is important is teaching your child the skills for navigating these very tricky social situations. Structure their time, get them involved with activities and groups outside of school, spend more time with them yourself, and insist that they have their friends over to your house where you can supervise.

"He'll grow out of it."

"Kids will be kids. When I was a kid, we all experimented."

It is vital that parents not lose perspective on what constitutes a normal range of adolescent behavior. It is true that many kids experiment with alcohol and marijuana and then abandon this use before finishing high school. However, that does not make it safe or healthy for your child to be involved. Using drugs or alcohol is not a normal part of growing up. Consider their initial use as a wake-up call and don't ignore it.

"All the kids in Livonia drink a little and smoke a little pot."

Not even close. Community statistics show that most kids in Livonia do NOT use alcohol or other drugs. Those numbers continue to show a decrease in use.

"My teenager is too busy with extra-curricular activities, school, and a job to get involved with drugs."

"Look how well she is doing in sports; she can't be using drugs."

Parents often feel that if their children are good students, have goals and interests and a strong self-image, that they are not going to get involved with drugs or alcohol. Unfortunately, statistics show that all kinds of students – honor students and athletes included – can have drug or alcohol problems.

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Trust your instincts.  choose ideas you are comfortable with and use your own style in carrying out the apporaches you find useful.


Excuses Kids Make

"I would never get involved with drugs/alcohol after seeing what it did to mom/dad/brother."

This makes sense, and we would hope that it was true. But statistics show that children from homes where there is a history of alcoholism, drug use, or addiction are five times more likely to become involved themselves.

"I got a drink spilled on me."

"My friends were smoking marijuana, not me."

This is possible, but it also means that your child was around people who were drinking and those drinkers were out of control enough to be spilling drinks. Or that your child was in a small enough space, such as a car, for the marijuana smoke of others to permeate his or her clothes. This means your son or daughter was in a potentially dangerous situation surrounded by people who were breaking the law. It is critical that you know where your child is, that you know that there will be responsible adult supervision, and that you have taught your child how to get out of potentially dangerous situations.

"I only took one sip."

Statistics show that kids who drink generally drink to get drunk. If you smell alcohol on your child's breath, chances are good that he or she had more than one sip. Consider that one shot of liquor or one beer can be metabolized by the body in about one hour. If your child comes home at midnight and still smells like alcohol, either he or she had "one sip" as they were getting out of the car that just dropped him or her off, or he or she had more to drink.

"That smell is just incense."

Probably not. Incense generally smells more like perfume. If you do not know what marijuana smoke smells like, visit your local police department. They have a material they can burn specifically for educating parents about the smell of marijuana.

"It belongs to a friend."

Diversion might be the oldest trick in the book. If your child is in possession of alcohol, drugs, or drug paraphernalia (pipes, rolling papers, seeds, etc.), it is most likely that those things belong to your child. Your son or daughter might try to give you the name of a friend that you already disapprove of, but that is more diversion since kids don't "hold" each other's drugs or gear. When a student is in possession of alcohol, drugs or drug paraphernalia, it is a clear sign that student is involved in regular use and has gotten careless.

"I only tried it once."

It is likely that a student who admits to using drugs or alcohol "only once" is using more regularly. This admission is a way of minimizing his involvement to himself as well as to you. A student who truly did try drugs only once or twice out of curiosity is not likely to admit it at all. To learn the real truth, you will have to monitor your child's friends, activities and behavior.

"Don't you trust me? You're always accusing me of something!"

This is another diversion. This isn't about trust. This is about specific behaviors or evidence that you, the parent, have observed. Stick to the facts; don't let this important conversation get side-tracked.

"I didn't know there was alcohol in my drink."

Yes, they did. It is possible that they didn't know how much alcohol was in their drink, but they knew there was alcohol there.