What Works?
Establish and enforce rules
Children, regardless of their age, need to be held accountable for their behaviors. A study from the University of Maryland showed that parents who set limits and talked with their children about their concerns had children with reduced rates of risky behavior.
Be consistent
If you are consistent and provide black-and-white guidelines on what you expect, your kids will know exactly what the rules are and how to follow them.
Be age-appropriate
As your child gets older, allow more responsibility and be willing to negotiate some of the house rules. For example, "I don't want you out past curfew, but if you are running late, I expect a call before curfew letting me know where you are and when I can expect you home."
Make sure that your expectations regarding the use of alcohol and drugs have been said out loud and that your kids understand exactly what the consequences will be if they break these rules.
Be fair
How much freedom and responsibility you give your kids is often a process of trial and error. Giving too much and having things not work out might not be a failure, just too much freedom too soon. Let your child know exactly what went wrong and what needs to happen before you are willing to give back that freedom and responsibility. Children who understand their expectations and see them as fair will have an easier time following those expectations.
| Back up your "no-drug rule" with a clear and consistent set of behavioral rules and be willing to enforce them. During the period when your child's natural impulses are to experiment and push to test the boundaries, it is vitally important that you give him/her strong, fair limits by which to define him/herself. It is difficult for an adolescent to live in a loose, shifting family environment. the number one and number two rules for today's parents should be, "Don't be afraid to be a strong parent" and "Don't be afraid of your children!" --- Keith Schtlhard, Ph.D. |
Talk Often
The Partnership for a Drug Free America recently released the results of a national survey. The results showed that while nearly all parents say that they've talked to their kids about alcohol and drugs, only about 25% of kids say that this conversation took place. The survey also showed that the kids who said they learned about marijuana at home were half as likely to use it than peers who said they learned nothing about drugs at home.
Research has also shown that short-term educational interventions are not effective. That means we need to talk to our kids about this not just once or twice, but all the time. Whenever an opportunity arises -- while watching TV, going to a movie, seeing billboards -- talk with them about what they are seeing, what they think, and how they feel about the messages being sent.
Discuss Heredity
Talk to your kids early about any history of alcoholism or addiction in their biological family. Be honest. One effective way to do this is to construct a family tree as a family project. Together you can discover things that have been passed down through the generations, like hair color, eye color, and height. Then track other aspects, like heart disease, cancer and alcoholism/addiction. Children from families where there is alcoholism/addiction are at greater risk for developing addictions themselves. Kids who learn about the risks of alcoholism and drug abuse from their parents and caregivers are less likely to use drugs than kids who do not.
It's hard not to fall into the "Just Say No" rut, but this is ineffective. Your primary concern is for the health and safety of your children. Tell them that. This is not a moral issue; it's a health issue.
Talk About . . .
• Include alcoholism and addiction in all of your discussions about other hereditary diseases, like heart disease or hypertension.
• Talk about alcohol, tobacco and other drugs as "unhealthy" and "unsafe" rather than "bad" or "wrong." Nothing turns a kid off faster than moralizing.
• Seize every opportunity to talk about substance abuse. While you are in the car and while you are watching TV are great times to talk.
• Become a broken record.
• Set firm no-use expectations.
"The most influential of all educational factors is the conversation in a child's home." ---William Temple
Focus on Health and Safety
"Alcohol use is not an unhealthy choice for everyone, but for some (pregnant women, younger and older people, alcoholics) alcohol use may always be an unhealthy choice."
"In some situations, alcohol use is always an unsafe choice."
"There is no safe or healthy way to use tobacco."
"You are not to ride in cars with anyone who has been drinking."
"Don't stay in a place where drugs are being used."
Know their friends
Research tells us that students who have friends who use drugs or alcohol are more likely to use. Another risk factor is when students have easy access to alcohol and drugs at their home or at a friend's home. Don't assume that another parent has the same rules and thoughts about drinking as you do. Take a minute to call the parent of your child's friends to discuss who will be supervising and where.
In Livonia, we have had occasions when a parent says they will be supervising, but they are inside and the students are outside. Our students have said that when this happens, often someone else in the group will bring alcohol and the parents are unaware.
Alcohol and tobacco remain the most-used drugs in Livonia, followed by marijuana. Ninety-five percent of alcohol consumed by students is being obtained from non-commercial sources (such as friends, siblings, parents or other adults), and being consumed in private homes.
High school students don't change friends easily or casually. If your child seems to have a whole new group of friends, investigate why and get to know the new friends and their families.
Do what you say
Your children are more likely to do what they see, not what they're told. If you smoke, your kids are more likely to smoke. The same is true with other substances. What you do often speaks much louder than what you say.
If you are using frequently or even occasionally, you are sending strong negative messages to your child.